i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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