I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
