I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
