i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
