So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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