That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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