i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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