Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
