I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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