I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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