Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
