Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
