i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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