I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
