Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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