his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
