I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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