My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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