Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
