Your face is a jimmy john
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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