how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
