Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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