im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
NoShamevember. You game?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
