Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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