Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
