census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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