Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
