So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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