Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
