3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
