i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Are we still banned from the library?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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