Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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