woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
