He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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