All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
