Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
