she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
