ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
