you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
