problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
