happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize