So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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