Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
