am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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