We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
