so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
