I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
