I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
