I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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