Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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